Cho Seung-Hui: The Real Issue

First and foremost, what a sad day for all the families struck by this most recent tragedy. I have done a lot of reading and watching of the media reports swirling around and I have come to one very simple conclusion. The media fails to point the finger on the REAL issue.

Much like the kids of Columbine, Cho fit the description of an outcast, someone who was ridiculed and picked on his entire life just for being different. While I do not condone his actions, it is very clear to me that society and the media is partially to blame for Cho's actions, as much to blame as Cho himself.

Life is not a popularity contest, but for many kids in high school and college, that's exactly what it is. The more confident, athletic guys picking on the "nerdy" kids for whatever reason. I saw it when I was in high school over 10 years ago and I know it still exists to the same degree today. Where does that attitude come from? Media? Parents? Movies? Where ever it came from, it was this attitude that ultimately led Cho and the Columbine kids to cross that line.

Some kids are able to overcome the physchological brutality and find their way into adulthood. Their threshold of pain or anger is greater than others. It's those kids whose patience is less, their tolerance is less, that get more easily pushed over the boiling point.

So to the people out there pointing the finger at anyone and everyone, you should look at the heart of the problem and figure out what brought Cho to his boiling point. Which joke was it that threw him over the edge? The one about his broken english? The color of his skin? His lack of athleticism? Take your pick. While I understand that it is hard to have compassion for someone who hurt so many families, it is obvious that compassion is all he needed. He just needed it 10 years ago...

This Old Man

Another year is soaring by and I still wonder how my life has taken the shape that it has. I am made up of so many people. There are so many people I have encountered in my life that have impacted who I am today.

One person in particular is my old boss/friend/mentor/father figure. When I was 18 years old, I had returned home from college and worked at Toyota Motor Credit. It was that summer that a "weekend" job fell into my lap that I met Bill Glass. I took a year off of college for personal reasons and ended up working 40 hours during the week and another 20 or so on the weekends. At the time I thought it was just to make some extra money when I return to school, but little did I know that this "weekend" job would alter my life forever.

Bill was in his early 60s when I first met him. I didn't have a father figure in my life because of cultural differences, language barriers, and other things that I could not really pinpoint. Needless to say, I am fortunate to have my father, but we were never able to communicate well. For 8 years of my life, Bill was that person to me. For over a year, I spent every weekend with Bill. I did brainless work, including typing up letters, filing, etc, but many times in between, Bill would tell me stories about his past and boy did he have a colorful past.

A month before I was headed back to UMass for my sophomore year, Bill had asked me to work full-time. I jumped at the opportunity for several reasons. One, I hated working at a big corporation. Two, it gave me the opportunity to learn more about the ins and outs of small business. Three, I got to spend more time with my friend. I spent most of that last month learning the ropes and getting more involved in all aspects of the business.

When I left, Bill said to me "whenever you want/need a job, you always have one here". At that point, I could have dropped out of school and been in a better position than most college grads, but Bill had always encouraged me to finish school. I spent the next 3 years of summer break, winter break, and spring break going back to Chicago to work with Bill. I learned so much about business, the world, and, most importantly, about myself. He truly opened my eyes to many things I was completely blind to.

For as long as I remember, it was my goal to own my own business one day. This job was turning into just that. I was being taught, molded into the next generation/phase of the future of the business. While most of my peers were stressing about what they would do after college, I already had all my plans in place. The day of my last final, I jumped in my car and made the 15 hour drive back to Chicago. I had an apartment already set up and my job as VP-Operations waiting for me. I was truly blessed, but felt that I had worked really hard for it.

Less than 2 years after I graduated, things went bad both with my relationship with Bill and also the company. I wasn't sure exactly what had happened, but I made a decision to leave my job and start over. The stress I had was more than I cared to deal with at that stage in my life and I knew I was bound for bigger and better things.

Since I left, I have not spoken to Bill. Leaving that job was probably one of the hardest things I've had to do because I knew it would tarnish my relationship will Bill forever. To be honest, the single thing I miss from that job is Bill. We were so much more than just boss/employee. We were truly friends. He taught me so much of what to do and what not to do. He wasn't perfect by any means, but he did not judge. Bill was who he was and he didn't apologize for it.

I don't know where he is today or how he is doing, but if I ran into him, I would tell him, thank you.

Lost in (Korean) Translation

Growing up speaking a different language than your parents can be very frustrated. When I say different language, I mean literally, not generation gaps, but not understanding a word that comes out of their mouth.

I was recently thrown in the middle of a business deal that is completely korean. Everything about it is korean and I've come to realize that the internet does not have the answer for everything. I have tried using it to translate some emails and the translation that comes back makes absolutely no sense. I am left to get details from my parents, who seem to stuggle with providing explanations for things in english.

I have heard many americans say, "how could people live in the U.S. for 20 years and not speak the language?" or "if they can't speak the language, than they shouldn't be here." I've seen this attitude in books, movies, media, and even people that I wouldn't expect to hear it from. For all I know, someone reading this could be one of those people. If you are or you know someone that feels this way, here is a response for someone who actually knows.

First off, English is a very complicated language. In fact, most people say that it is the hardest language to learn.

People in the U.S. seem to be so patriotic. Why is this? I would assume because of what this country stands for, which to many, is freedom.

What does freedom mean? Wikipedia defines freedom as "the ability to act in accordance with one's own true self or values". Freedom in this country allows people to come here and speak whatever language they want or act however they want within the law. Freedom in the U.S. has allowed people of many backgrounds to settle here. In turn, this has allowed many people of the same background to come to this country and speak their native language in their communities. It doesn't force them to have to learn English, but also limits their lifestyles as well. Either way, they have to freedom or the right to choose.

So if you are one of those patriotic people that thinks non-English speaking immigrants or foreigners are not welcome in the U.S., wake up. This is exactly what your country stands for. Maybe it's you that should move to a communist country where everyone speaks the same language and does the same thing. Some people have no idea how fortunate they are and never take the time to think about it or ever realize it. Shame on you.

THANKS-giving

is a day I've spent in many different places, each of which I am grateful for.
Growing up, we would spend our Thanksgiving at one of my family's houses. When I was in college, I typically spent it with my friend's family. It was the first "traditional" Thanksgiving I had in my life. There were typically about 8 people at the table with food for 30 and dessert would consist of over 25 different kinds of pie. Needless to say, I had to open my belt a notch by the end of the night. Most recently, my Thanksgiving has been spent at my wife's grandparent's house. These have also been very traditional as well, but with many more people. I can't say that one experience has been more pleasing than the others because they all have their own flavor and I've enjoyed each one in a different way.

As a child, they used to ask me in school "what are you thankful for this thanksgiving?". I don't think many of my answers to that question in the past would really sum up what I'm thankful for, but I feel that I have now come up with some things that I will always be thankful in no particular order.

1. Life - In the past year, several people I knew lost their lives for a variety of reasons. Each one inspired me in one way or the other and I hope to carry on their memories for as long as I am fortunate enough to be alive.

2. Pain - My life, as with most people's, has been filled with pain and struggles. For a time, I used to resent these things, but now I am thankful to have experienced them.

3. House - In the past eight years, I have lived in 8 different places. I finally have a house that feels like home.

4. Wife - Being married is truly been an eye-opening experience. There is so much to learn and teach each other.

There are a lot of other things that I am thankful for, but the above is really what has had the most impact on me this past year.

If anyone else is reading this, I hope that you can share some of the things that you are thankful for.

Kramer... What were you thinking???

Honestly, what is wrong with people like Michael Richards? In fact, what is wrong with half the comedians out there? A majority of comedians, whether black, white, yellow, brown, or whatever, attempt to make a living by making racist jokes. The sad reality is that they are making a living because society is paying to watch these people. Shame on us. The funny part is that I would bet a majority of these comedians claim NOT to be racist.

So, back to Mr. Richards. You didn't think you would get off the hook that easy, did you? After watching a clip of his outrage on stage, it really makes me wonder how he got to where he is in the first place. How did he manage to survive for 57 years? How did he manage to make it to work on the Seinfeld set everyday? There are certain things that you just can't take back. Making public comments about lynching in the year 2006 just can't be taken back.

He claims not to be a bigot, yet the first thing that comes out of his mouth when being heckled by black men is about lynching??? The last time I heard that term was when I was watching a documentary about the KKK. He crossed the lines of retaliation and I hope that society will make sure that he is not given the ability to speak in public (for money) ever again.

I'm sorry Kramer, but you messed up this time... real bad. Take your millions from Seinfeld and call it a day.

Closeness

Closeness. What is it? I think we all have a different definition of what it means. Lately, my definition of closeness has started to become a lot more clear.

As we all know, life is full of bumps, bruises, obstacles, and sadness. Why do I sound so negative? Let's face it. It's the tough times in life that really shape you, challenge you, and help you grow. These are the "moments" that we remember.

While I never look for pity and always know that "it's not that bad", I have experienced my share of hardships in my life. At some point in my life, probably around my sophomore year of college when my mom had a stroke, I started to be grateful for my hardships rather than bitter and resentful of them. So, you ask, how does this define closeness?

From my perspective, closeness is viewed in two different ways. One from the outside and one from the inside. The media defines closeness as families with a happy marriage, two kids, dog, and white picket fence, all from the outside. It seems that those families, those relationships, are the ones that are the most distant. They lack the most basic aspects of what makes relationships grow, honesty and communication.

How many relationships are doomed because of secrets? financial problems?

By honesty, I mean to tell people how you truly feel, regardless of the consequence. These statements of truth will ultimately lead to pain, arguments, and feelings of betrayal. Who wants/needs that? The truth is, we all do.

They say that "the truth shall set you free". It is the criticisms we receive, it is the hardships we go through, it is the ability to share our experiences with others, and ultimately learn from others that brings us closeness.

Cooperman!

Our newest addition is a Silky Terrier we call Cooper.

He is much like a baby, except he doesn't wear diapers! It's been quite the experience trying to train him and provide for him the attention he needs. I have to admit, I underestimated the commitment and responsibility it would take. I never had a pet in my life and have no kids. My wife has been so good with him and he has really become part of our family.

It's such a joy to see him grow up and makes me even more excited to have children one day!

Coop dog!

A Tribute to Big John Cessna

This was my wife's Grandfather. He's passed in January, 2006.

Here was a man, who at his funeral, brought over 1,300 people. He was a man who touched the lives of so many.

I was fortunate enough to know him for the 4 years Erin and I have been together. Fortunate is an understatement. I was blessed to have known him.

I never had a male role model. One of my grandfathers, I met only once when I was 3. The other I knew, but never really saw and couldn't communicate with. My father is a quiet man, who I have never really communicated with. This is why I have always been drawn to my elders that want to share things about their lives.

While I only had several chances to sit down and chat with Grandpa John, he always managed to put a smile on my face. He had this magical smile that really lit up a room. He had a presence that could silence a crowd. He was truly a gentle giant.

So knowing Grandpa John is a constant reminder of how I can be a better person. I hope his family knows how lucky they were, we don't all have what they had...

May God Bless you always, Grandpa.

Time Flies...

The title of a Bill Cosby book. Funny guy. Have you ever found yourself saying "man, is it November (or whatever month it is) already." Well, I sure do. I think I say that to myself at least once a week.

I often find myself thinking back to where I was a year ago and also thinking where I'm going to be in a year. And I reflect...

Last November, we were living with my parents. It was the 2nd of a three month stint that couldn't have felt like longer. Due to delays in the construction of our house, it was our best short-term option. Knowing my relationship with my parents over the years, I knew it would be a trying time for us all.

Several other things stand out:

1. Our house was completed and we moved in on December 28, 2005! One of the most exciting days of my life.

2. My parents and my wife's grandparents came to visit in December.

3. I distinctly remember #2 above because, sadly, we lost Grandpa John to a tragic accident. A tough time for my wife and her family, but something that will hopefully make them all stronger and feel fortunate for having such a great man in their lives. I am.

4. My wife's cousin Mike being diagnosed with lung cancer. As a non-smoker, he was diagnosed and passed away a few months later. I had only met him once before. We went down to St. Louis to attend a benefit for him, which was a truly magical moment to see him surrounded by a supportive, loving family.

5. Working on the house. Ever since we moved in, my wife and I have been working non-stop on our house to get it just the way we envisioned. We are almost there!

I guess there have been other "moments" in the past year, but those are the ones that stick out the most.

Looking forward... I am always looking forward to the time ahead for all the good and bad that come with it. I don't see much changing over the next year. ymarketing, which is a company I am a partner of, has been doing increasingly well over the last couple years and 2007 seems to be the year we really break out. Other than that, I really feed off the challenges in my life and expect plenty.